With pain, running the same can be all that we name. You wave, concave. You light it up all on your own. I'm a crack in your flooded boat. All you have is my broken oar. May they call you only. I might stumble. Won't you wait for me? The day I see you run beyond me I might stumble. Won't you wait for me? This sight, your daylight is all I want to know. Sate me and drink the sea. In foolish binding don't believe in ghosts of hope. Tied tightly I'll drown soon with you. Deep dark home.
And it seems these words have bit me again. An infection slowly smothered the head. And it’s dead now. Died today. Simple thoughts that were lost in a tidal wave. Peace of mind that was quietly swept away. It’s gone now. Death by a thousand paper cuts. But you changed me. You saved me. If I had my say, in sober decay I would stand. But I fell down in the fallout. Sliding into a headlight I was trapped on the inside. I wanted out. But you changed me. You saved me. He floats away. Tidal wave.
Looked away. Life passed inside a day. Upward eye. Dodging what fell from the sky. I’ll be there tomorrow. Sacrifice wielded just as a knife. Selfish me. I’ve been chasing a dream. I’ll be there tomorrow. Will you be there tomorrow? Dimming light. Aching sides. Graying sight. I’m in the desert with death and the sun. Now alone. I missed a fork in the road and I seem wide awake. Forgive me arriving late. I’ll be there tomorrow. I’ll need you tomorrow. I won’t fall away. Not over. It’s not over. Fall. Won’t fall away now.
Nothing breathing. Winter feeding. Throw my weapons down. Death can hunt me now. Growing to despise the face around these eyes. Voices fleeting. Still there was a heart beating. Ten years frozen. Not yet broken. Moon has fallen down. Sun climbs back around. Lent me a shoulder, warmth of a hand. I know I don’t deserve this. I’ll kill it if I can. Melting fire. Eyes inspire today. Come and steal away with me. Drowning in the sea. Giving into trust and selfish wanderlust. Touch this blade to my hand. Hold these scars. Feel again. Open my chest. Open my veins. Open your chest. Open your veins. Bleed in me. It’s our time. A new October. Eyes now wide. Leaves turned over. I might fail and you will fall, but I will be here with you always. Always.
No sound bending air. I breathe alone now and wondering will it always be like this. There’s something in the air. Now I think I’m scared. Save me from the monsters under bed. Save me from a dusty head. It seems I need someone her to mend and save me from a bitter end. Want to taste the moon. I lack transportation. So is this how I will die? A fading pulse at hand, no one by my side. Without a shoulder to hold when I’m older. No one to take my hand. Am I less a man? Ashes and pictures of dreamers and lovers. Was it happiness? Did I give up the key to all of this. Reflect at last. Regret I can’t get past. Save me…
BENEATH THE FALL
Do you feel the sun the same? Do you ever taste the rain? Or run from the thunder until your legs stand up and throw you down? Do you ever say my name? You sold me out like I was a body. You held me down, dragged me bloody. I fell through a cloud. You watched as I went under. A solitary sound felt like thunder. I knew there was poison in a kiss. I knew I knew that I left myself defenseless. I pulled it all together for once and I hoped you wouldn’t let me down, but I knew it would end up just like this. What do you say when you explain yourself? Do you say the sun was not enough? Do you say you were in the mood for blood?
A NIGHTTIME DAYDREAM
Lighting touch. I am falling up. Ember clouds. Fire twisting out. You were calling. Me hiding silently in the deep as the hull was taking water. In kingdoms built of sand. With stars that lose their place. Down, down on broken wings. I see you in everything. I steal each breath I take. As night pulls on, I miss it all again. Sutures keep me whole. Can barely feel my hands. Trying to maintain control. I’m sliding to an end. You were dying. I was dreaming. The first act calls me back. Just cut my throat and drag me home.
So it comes down to this. Nothing to keep. No one to miss. They’re just salutations and ruminations. Empty hearts. Empty suits. So I’m alone, and drinking too. This haze takes me away. The wounds are healed for a day. And I won’t die. This smoke gives me away. I’ll sleep soundly today. And I am time. Praying to bottles. Caving, it coddles. I’m falling into outer places and darker spaces. This flailing heart is calling you when I’m alone, and drinking too.
Skin is colder. I can barely stand. Pain takes over. I’ll wait no more. This is the curtain call. Oh, I know. I know it’s right. I know. I know it’s time. Memories flooding. Faces I adore. Body falling. I’ll wait no more. I’m clutching winged hands. Say you’ll hold my memory. Say you will not forget my name. I felt forgotten in this cage. I felt forsaken in this cage. Say you’ll hold my memory. So good-bye.